The Path We Pave

“A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.” — George Bernhard Shaw

The last 15 years have been downright hard. I have made decisions that made my life, well, a lot more difficult than it really had to be. In retrospect, I knew better than to do some of the things I did, but in all honesty, I wouldn’t change a thing. That’s right, I have no regrets, and no shame. Some of you are thinking “wow, egotistical” or “you have no remorse for any pain you caused?” or “you don’t think you made any mistakes?” and to you I say no, I don’t.  I mean yes I have made mistakes but they were meant to be made.

Let me speak on it:

I had an epiphany recently, where I realized all the bad, I went through, stupid or not, was specifically designed to bring me to the good I have in my life today! I am, who I am BECAUSE of those choices, negative or positive. You cannot grow, unless you fail. Cannot love, unless you understand hate. Cannot see good, unless you have seen bad. It is all part of life, and our goal is ultimately all the same: Peace.

For example: everyone complains about how there are no good men or women, or they always end up with the wrong person, what if this is by design? Hear me out… are you the same as you were the first time you loved? No, you’re not, you’re better. You learned valuable lessons in each love choice and in the process, hopefully, learned to love yourself. I took a hard look at each of my past relationships and realized, I learned something different from each one. I looked at how I felt wronged AND how they felt I wronged them and, in that moment, learned new ways to love other’s and myself better.

My thinking is the person you’re supposed to be with, the one God handpicked for you (or however you think true love is made if not God), they were not ready for you to find them when you started loving people and neither were you. Again, hear me out, maybe all those trials and tribulations were put there to build you into exactly what the love of your life is gonna need when you meet them and the other way around. I know that having been hurt as many times as I have, I became more empathetic, loving, understanding and learned in a huge way how to communicate better and not for hearing but for understanding.

You could not understand how happy you really are with your true love until you had been in love with the people who were your building blocks. You are building your own staircase to happiness in a way. You are developing building blocks and ways of dealing with reality that will help you in your future with mister or misses right.

I look in the mirror and I am happy with what I see because I built me. My mother made my body and brought me into this world (without my permission I will add only because I hear you can sue for that now and believe me mom, I still think about it). She made my physical being, but I built me, the concept and character. You didn’t build me, other people didn’t build me, I built me. The me you see right now is brought to you by ME.

Don’t get me wrong I have had people give advice, support me in certain decisions, but I had to choose which way to go, how to feel and what I could use for my own good. And as hard as it is to say sometimes, I am proud of me. I have overcome every obstacle put in my way to ruin me and instead build this version of me.

I walked a hard path, often due to my own poor decisions and sometimes because of the poor decisions of other’s. Which happens, and in those instances know everything happens for a reason and forgiveness is for you not the other person.

Over the last 15 years I have made crazy transformations and worked really hard to get where I am. I walked away from relationships, with people, I thought I could never live without. I have raised children, which I feel every parent deserves a metal. I have had people die that I loved, I have had one of the kids’ dads die and had to do the impossible task of telling my children he was gone, I have been abused in every way possible, I got a couple college degrees, loved, I have had cancer, and so much more.

However, the epiphany, happened the moment I left home and moved 125 miles away. I knew I had finally built myself up into a stronger me. It has been since then, that I am more than ok with myself, I have inner peace. I am not perfect; I am however a perfectly imperfect version of me. I never thought I was better than the next person, in fact in the past I thought I was less, I don’t anymore. I think I am pretty great. And I think all of you should feel the same about yourselves, no one is better than the other, we are all important for our own reasons.

Love yourself, trust the process. It can be hard sometimes. Sometimes you’ll be in a valley you don’t think you’ll ever get out of but use that valley to build a stronger foundation and help others through the same valley once you’re out. Be blessed, be better, do better, and remember you are exactly where you are supposed to be at this moment.

Peace, Love and Applesauce,

Jill Marie

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